Vol. VI

Counseling, Schmounseling?
by Abbey Roy

I’m not a movie buff, so I couldn’t begin to name them, but I know there are flicks out there with premarital counseling scenes — probably because, according to stereotypes, they create the ideal climate for awkwardness and humor.

I have the general impression that premarital counseling gets a pretty bad rap. And perhaps rightfully so, if you think about it: Two people who have decided they’re ready to be together, meeting with an expert (sometimes a pastor, sometimes a counselor) who asks them questions about themselves they’ve quite possibly not discussed before.

Even the word “counseling” can be a put-off — sort of makes it sound like you have some serious problems, right?

As your big day draws closer and you continue to invest in every aspect of a perfect wedding, from decorations to attire to menu, I’d urge you to consider taking this step to invest in what you’re really celebrating: Your marriage.

I know, I inwardly groaned at the idea of premarital counseling, too. Preconceived notions had prepared me for the worst: Awkward situations, embarrassing questions, a bunch of information I probably already knew.

Counseling was a prerequisite for getting married at our church, however, so we set up a few sessions with our pastor — and by the end, we were both glad we did.

You’d be surprised at how much you really don’t know about your spouse. Even if you think the two of you talk about everything, which you may, or that you get his personality to a ‘T’, which you might. Premarital counseling has a way of forcing you to think about those pesky or nagging issues you might have been avoiding bringing up, and it teaches you about yourself, too, along the way.

Our sessions took us through a book entitled “Strengthen Your Marriage,” by Wayne Mack. Each week, we read a chapter and came in to discuss it for the next session. The end of every chapter had a list of questions to answer with your spouse-to-be (or spouse, as the book could apply to the wedded set as well). From finances to children to household habits, it was a great resource for clearing the air and touching on issues we may never have thought of until they became a problem.

Though I can’t say our sessions were completely free of awkwardness, the fun definitely outweighed any of the few strained moments. We saved the book with the intention of returning to it down the road, to see how we’ve grown and what we’d still like to work on.

Next time you get the chance, look up a church or counseling center in your area to see if they offer premarital counseling, or even if they’d have someone available to go through a book with you.

Speaking of books, there are loads of them out there. (In addition to the required book, we also read “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, by Les and Leslie Parrott, on our own time.) A Google search should pull up several options for you to explore.

Yes, it would be great to have a perfect wedding (I’m a little biased, but I’d say mine was pretty darn close). We all know there’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, but why not create a solid foundation before you get started? I have a feeling you’ll have more fun than you expect.

-- Abbey

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To contact Abbey?

Send emails to: Abbey@lvsoundent.com

Do you have a comment or idea for the LV Sound Wedding Zone?

Please email us: info@lvsoundent.com

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More Wedding Zone Advice and Tips

CREATIVE IDEAS

Instead of numbering tables, name your tables. You can name your tables after favorite places. We saw one couple that was from the Columbus area and attended Ohio State University that named their tables after favorite area landmarks, buildings on campus, and other places that they enjoyed going to. At each table the couple put a card naming the table and explaining why that place was special to them. While your guests are going around looking for their table, they will learn a little more about the two of you.

Publish your own wedding newsletter to be passed out as a keepsake.

MUSIC IDEAS

Wedding Ceremony Selections:

Processionals

Canon In D - Pachelbel
Trumpet Voluntary - Clarke
Bridal March - Wagner

Recessionals

Wedding March - Mendelssohn
Trumpet Tune - Purcel

Wedding Reception Selections:

Father/Bride Dance

Daddy's Little Girl - Al Martino
Butterfly Kisses - Bob Carlisle
I Loved Her First - Heartland
Unforgettable - Natalie / Nat King Cole
Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler
What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
Hero - Mariah Carey

Mother/Groom Dance

A Song For My Son - Mickey Viereck
Mama - Boyz II Men
Unforgettable - Natalie / Nat King Cole
Wind Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler
What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
Hero - Mariah Carey

Bridal Party Dance

Unchained Melody - Righteous Brothers
Unforgettable - Natalie / Nat King Cole
What A Wonderful World - Louis Armstrong
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton

Bouquet Toss

Chapel Of Love - Dixie Cups
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
Oh Yeah! - Yello

Garter Removal, Garter Toss, and Garter Remount (this part is optional)

The Stripper - David Rose
Legs - ZZ Top
You Can Leave Your Hat On - Joe Cocker
Oh Yeah! - Yello

Anniversary Dance

For The Good Times - Ray Price
Grow Old With Me - Mary Chapin Carpenter

Last Dance

The Way You Look Tonight - Frank Sinatra or Steve Tyrell
New York, New York - Frank Sinatra
That's What Friends Are For - Dionne Warwick and Friends
I've Had The Time Of My Life - Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes
Goodnight Sweetheart - The Spaniels
Last Dance - Donna Summer

Need more ideas? Here's the Top 200 requested wedding songs of all time!

List of the Top 200 Most Request Wedding Songs

 

MONEY SAVING IDEAS

Tuxedos...

Many of the larger tuxedo chains will have a special outlet store within their chain where used tuxedos are often available for purchase at prices often lower than what it would cost to rent a tuxedo. Think about it... even if the tuxedo is never worn again and thrown away, you will save money. Also, the tuxedo can be dry cleaned and saved for use on a cruise or a future formal function.

The one down side is that there may be less of a variety of accessories such as vests and ties available for purchase in the colors you desire. However, if you have a smaller wedding party, no wedding party (just the groom in a tux), or can live with black or white as your vest and tie colors (these colors go well with almost anything), purchasing a used tuxedo versus renting might be a great idea for you.

Disposable cameras...

As cell phone cameras have become so commonplace, fewer and fewer guests that want to take a picture will bother to do so with the disposable cameras that are placed on tables at receptions. In our many years of providing entertainment at weddings, we often see these cameras not even used at the end of the night.

If you do have your heart set on these cameras, save money by purchasing them at a wholesale club in large quantity and check the "must use by" date. These cameras get the best results with fresh film, so do not buy these cameras a year before your wedding. Also, don't bother with the specially decorated wedding models. These cameras often have a lesser quality film inside and cost many times what a name brand camera will cost at a wholesale club.

Do you have a money saving tip you would like to share? Email us.

FORGOTTEN THINGS AT WEDDING RECEPTIONS

Caterer or bartender does not have the champaign or preferred beverage ready on the table for the toast. Also, having the appropriate glassware for the toast on the head table is overlooked.

Bride misplaces the "toss" bouquet.

Bride forgets the garter.

Cutlery to be used for the cutting of the wedding cake is forgotten or not placed by the cake when needed. Also, couples need to review with their caterer whose responsibility it will be to cut and serve the wedding cake as all caterers do not provide this as a service.

Parents of the bride or groom cannot be found when it is their time to dance with their son or daughter.

Members of the bridal party cannot be found when it is their time to be introduced or dance together.

Person giving a toast makes their speech but forgets to raise their glass to conclude the toast.

There is no special basket or wishing well to use for the money dance.

Vendors that arrive ahead of time before the wedding, such as a florist or cake decorator, do not know where to drop off or set up their goods.

The bride and groom or a guest provides the DJ with a burned cd having a special song that the DJ may not have. They failed to test the cd ahead of time in a car stereo or boombox to make sure that it burned correctly. Even though the cd works on the computer, it may not have burned properly to play in a regular cd player. Always check!

RUDE GUEST BEHAVIOR

Guests do not turn off their cell phones or pagers even when asked to do so before a wedding ceremony. I have seen them go off during many a wedding ceremony. I even saw one guest take the call and tell the caller that they would call them back in a few minutes.

Guests do a variety of rude cell phone behaviors at the wedding reception such as taking calls at their table, surfing the internet and texting.

Guests that fail to honor the tradition that the bride and groom should have the first dance of the evening by going out onto the dance floor and dancing during or after the dinner.

Fighting. Yes, many couples fight at weddings.